Just woke up from a nightmare.  About being helpless.  My therapist warned me that I might start having more reactions like that as I started talking about things, but wow.

In it, someone wanted to murder me.  Why is a blur, but I was aware f the plot down to the smallest details: I was going t be drugged and left t die in an arson fire of a library I frequented.

And, nightmare fuel here: for some reason knowing it made me try to help, so my existence didnt inconvenience them.  I took their bait.  Got q job at the place so then could more reliably know when I’d be there. Kept acting like their friend to make sure they had opportunity.

And whenever I started to try to resist somehow, the whole thing reset.

God, I’m glad I’m awake now.  Last couple iterations I was even aware that it was some kind of nightmare, but it still took ‘dying’ ppainfully — no matter at what point I broke out of the narrative and forced a reset — to jolt me out of just letting it keep going.

And I’m tired and I’m gong to have to fall asleep again soon,but I dong want to be helpless.  :/


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