Update from Eren

So, it’s no secret that I’m a bit of a mess.  It gets worse.

On the plus side, I’m scheduled to attend sessions with a group that focuses on self care and recovery for victims of sexual assault.

On the other side, I was arrested on Tuesday and spent 12 hours in jail.  Abuses were frequent and casual.  No one there knew what to do with the transgender woman, so I was shoved into a solitary cell and basically ignored as much as possible.  Food and water were denied, even to people with medical issues like hypoglycemia (how weird that I should meet someone who had Megan’s misdiagnosed disease?).  I was not given access to a phone call, my Miranda rights were never read, and I wasn’t even given discharge paper’s on my release.  I was however outed repeatedly in front of batches of strangers.  I also had one cop — who grinned at me with the same glee as my rapist — insist I tell him what genitalia, specifically, I had.

I am still cold, sore, and exhausted.  My eyes barely stay open, and sleep has been erratic and full of strange nightmares.

I don’t know what else to say for now.  I was advised not to be descriptive of what happened, lest the justice system decide they needed to push back and make an example of someone.

So I guess that’s all for now.  Take care everyone.


9 responses to Update from Eren

  1. Lightdefender

    Good god.

    I don’t suppose legal action is an option?

    Whatever you’re able to do, know that you have supporters. And if you’re not able to do anything, you still have supporters.

    • Eren Reverie

      I have a bullet point list of complaints and violations that has a higher word count than most of my MNML chapters. I’ll be filing it with the Citizen Oversight Board. Unfortunately, the COB was crippled when it was created — it can’t actually conduct independent investigations or even subpoena records. Instead it has to send all requests of that nature to the police’s own internal affairs division. Hopefully having lists and lists of complaints filed will give the people at the COB something with which to pressure the local government into granting them the powers necessary to genuinely force accountability.

      Beyond that, I have some photos I will send to the protest movement’s legal volunteers. I don’t know how useful those will be, though, given that there are plenty of live streams that show more and include audio. If those lawyers decide there is more to be done, then I’ll follow their advice. Otherwise? Not much else I can do on my own, I’m afraid, other than keep up the fight.

      Frankly, the worst part for me was being helpless while my cellmate slipped further and further into a crash. Denying him proper care left him in physical pain, mild deleria, rapidly developing physical collapse, and put him at risk of spontaneous cardiac arrest.

      Of the things that were “targeted” at me specifically, the hardest parts for me — in the moment — were the cop with the rapist grin and the isolation before they shoved another transgender person into solitary with me.

      Now, though? The thing that weighs most constantly on my mind is the way I was constantly being outed. As the only transgender woman they identified out of all those protesters, it would be simple for anyone to now connect anything they heard about me to my full legal name and my home address. It just takes one obsessive bigot willing to act on hate, and my life is fucked. When I was talking things out with friends last night, I was surprised at how shaken talking about that part left me. I described some truly horrific things, but the fear of being hunted down was the one thing that left me struggling with tears. But the fact of the matter is that by repeatedly outing me in front of random crowds of jail employees, cops, fellow protestors and anyone else they might have had in lockup the police have very much endangered me to an unknowable extent.

      PAt least twice a week, more often three or four times, I come across another story of a transgender woman being assaulted or killed. About half of those are ‘local’ in that they occurred within the state. This is not really one of the safer places to be known as transgender. Before, I at least knew that very few people were aware that I, specifically, was trans — or if they were because I failed to ‘pass’ while I was out, they still didn’t know my name or address. Now an unknown number of strangers do know that I — specifically me — am transgender, and have access to my legal name and address should they decide to do anything about it.

      That weighs heavily on my mind, especially since I have a long history of my anxiety telling me that if ‘people’ found out I was different, I’d be beaten, shunned, or killed for it. My medications alleviate that a little, but there’s still a lot of ingrained trauma responces associated with the scenario I now find myself in.

    • Eren Reverie

      Also, thank you. And I’m sorry I dropped that wall of text without thanking you for your support within it. Unfortunately, my stress response seems to be to talk incessantly about what happened whenever and wherever possible. It really makes the ‘don’t discuss details on social media’ advice really hard to follow.

      • lightdefender

        No need to apologize. And I’m glad there’s something you can do even if it’s not as much as you would like.

        I presume the protest organizers would be approaching the ACLU if such is appropriate. But would it be worthwhile to talk to someone like lambda legal for your case in particular? I honestly don’t know the answer to that, or if it might make things worse in the short term (whether or not there could be long-term benefits). But it’s one possible resource.

        And I forgot to say in my initial post that it’s good to hear from you. Just wish it could be under better circumstances.

        • Eren Reverie

          Thanks. I wish they were, too. I’m still not writing. :/ I’ve been rather obsessively doing game design, instead. It keeps my mind occupied but has less emotional drain. Maybe I’ll start posting my dev projects. Dunno.

          • SpongeeJumper

            Jesus. I’m so sorry this happened. I second the sentiment that It’s good to hear from you, while wishing the circumstances were better. I admire your strength for continuing to attend protests and staying politically engaged in a time when doing so can be so scary.

            On the lighter side, game design is one of my most passionate interests and I’d love to hear about what you’re working on.

            Take care, and thank you.

          • Eren Reverie

            I actually have one game on the Google play store now. “Endless Dungeoning.” It’s also hosted on the Scirra games page, if you want to check it out from a browser: https://www.scirra.com/arcade/rpg-games/endless-dungeoning-18443

            It’s a very light weight dungeon crawler with a lot of new game+ elements. Basically a time killer. >.> I’ve been tinkering around with some other mechanics and design ideas, just to play with things, but my next planned full “project” is just a cleaner, better polished and more feature-rich version of Endless.

  2. fionag11

    OMG. Words fail me. Except to admire your courage despite justified anxiety, much like Abigail.

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