I’m a switch…

…and I’ve been feeling pretty masochistic/subby lately.  It’s a depression thing.  On the one hand, I’m incredibly angry and rather agressive regarding the bullshit polotics going on in the USA.  On the other, I am so fucking depressed about the same damn topic.  In conjunction with each other, I end up emotionally wrung out and apathetic about all the smaller, personal things I should be taking care of: from my writing to house chores to eating properly and keeping on top of my doctor’s appointments.

I could really use a flogging to take my mind off all of it for a while and help me de-stress, but I don’t actually have the slightest idea how to go about arranging that these days.  The people I would normally ask are dealing with their own stuff, and I’m pretty much craptastic at reaching out to new people — plus, I think I’m sensibly leery of aproaching someone new on this subject in particular.

Bleeeeeeh!  I wish I had better ways to relieve stress, but this is still the top one for me.  I don’t engage in self-flagellation because I know I can’t reliably tell when I’m crossing the line between masochism and sadism; when it goes from de-stressing to punishing, so having someone else who can and will take a moment to check that I’m okay — or even say ‘that’s enough’ is a safety thing.  But still:  I could <em>really</em> use it right about now.

Also, the weather here is drunk and I think I have a migraine coming on. :/


Leave a Reply