The title about sums it up. Today I’m having a crisis of confidence. Or maybe a crisis of competence? It seems like I’m running behind on everything, and I’m having serious doubts about my competency as a writer: specifically if I really have any sort of serious chance at turning my writing into a full time occupation. (That went from pretty hopeful to pretty much no over the course of the day.)
It hasn’t helped that there was a big pressure shift (or something) and I’ve been off kilter all day. I was getting dizzy spells while sitting still this morning, nearly tripped a few dozen times, and lost my balance while standing still a couple times while helping people around the office. Fortunately, discombobulated though I am, I don’t have a massive headache to go with it so I have actually been ale to tough through it and be somewhat productive today. Still, if I weren’t behind on my deadlines, I would’ve been seriously tempted to go home at lunch. (11:30 seems to have been the worst point.) Fortunately I car pool: I wouldn’t want to be behind the wheel right now.
I haven’t quite had the focus to write on my breaks, which is bad: I’m only halfway through tomorrow’s chapter, at the moment, and tonight is my date night with my wife. I don’t think I’ll be pre-posting that chapter after all. :/ Still, it should go up on the appropriate day as long as I can focus at all tomorrow.
Instead of writing, I’ve been obsessing about what I could possibly do to improve my writing career. If I should start an eBook only series (but I really don’t want to put things behind a pay wall, and I really like reader feedback and edits while I’m working) or offer better Patreon milestones and rewards, or find places I can submit the series for reviews, or what.
I couldn’t really come up with any good ideas. I thought about setting a daily word goal tied to my Patreon donations, but with days like this I don’t know that it would be feasible. I’m also already shooting for 3 chapters a week (6-9k words, or 1,200-1,800 words per day), and trying to add more on top of that would burn me out fast while I’m on overtime. I think? As it goes now, a ‘bad’ day is a few hundred words, and a ‘good’ day can hit 3-5k. Most of that depends on how much sleep I’ve gotten, if I have a migraine, if I have other commitments, and if I’ve been distracted with a new book or game.
Blargh. I guess I’m just too worn out today to try getting excited about my prospects without some negativity making it backfire. Hopefully I’ll be in better shape tomorrow.
Thanks for listening,