Subdued

I feel kind of subdued today.

That’s not a bad feeling.  It’s certainly better than feeling down or depressed!  But it’s also not very conducive to getting things done.  I want to go to sleep, even though it’s only seven — I think that’s because I got home an hour earlier today, so my brain is telling me it’s actually an hour later, and eight is the earliest I can think about bed without my wife asking if I’m getting depressed. >.>  Which is fair enough, since that’s certainly a sign.

I can’t remember how long I’ve been on nine hour work days, but I finally decided enough was enough, and changed my schedule back to eight.  Unfortunately, I kind of need the overtime — the five hours a week I’d been getting were going toward covering my wife’s first round of health checkups and rebuilding our savings now that my income is finally a little more commensurate with the work I’ve been doing.

So, I’ve shifted those hours to the weekend.  And then (because transitioning is expensive and I haven’t been able to justify spending anything more than what I’m paying for my hormone therapy) I picked up another five.  So I’ll be working 7-12, Saturday and Sunday.

It’s not quite so bad as it sounds, I don’t think.  The extra hour a night during the work week makes a big difference — nine hour days become just brutal after a while.  And the five hours a day Saturday and Sunday aren’t so bad.  Usually my wife and her boyfriend sleep in on the weekends, as do most of our other friends who live nearby — but I have to get up early every day to take my pills, so I’m usually awake and twiddling my thumbs or doing housework for those hours, anyway.

I figure I can calculate what percent of my paycheck is made up of the extra five hours I’m picking up on Sundays, and put that toward transition costs.

Meanwhile, that extra hour each night will be going toward making up my sleep deficit.  (I have a terrible habit of staying up later the more that I feel time is scarce — it’s like I’m trying to make up for the lack of time to do other things by shortchanging my sleep, even though I know that will just leave me tired and severely cut into my productivity.)  Once I’m back to going to bed at a reasonable time (9:30 is reasonable for me.  If I’m consistently up much later I inevitably start to get worn down, given that I’m getting up at six and usually wake up once or twice in the night) I hope to put that hour toward my writing.

I’ve done a pretty good job keeping up with the Midnight Moonlight update schedule, even though I was worried about it going into book 3 because I knew how much the overtime I’d been working during book 2 had been dragging me down.  So I don’t want to sacrafice that.  If anything, I want to post more.  My audience (my wonderful, wonderful audience) pretty consistently comments whenever a new chapter goes up now, and that proof that people are reading and enjoying my stories is a huge morale boost, every time.

>.>  I may sneak onto the site to check for comments during my breaks at work, to keep motivated.

The thing is, I’m pretty sure I would completely burn out if I was trying to write that much Midnight Moonlight.  Abby’s can be a difficult head space to dwell in — which makes for a good story, but can also make for some extra stress on my part, heh.

I’ve been kind of jonesing to write a super hero story, but I have to admit I’m a little intimidated by the prospect, too.  I really enjoyed Worm, and continue to enjoy Citadel, Anathema, Super Powereds, The Legion of Nothing, Stone Burners and numerous others.  I’m not sure if I can compete with those, heh.

I do have some flat out fantasy, as opposed to urban fantasy, that I could clean up and start publishing, so maybe I’ll do that.  I don’t know.  But for now, anyway, the focus will just be on Midnight Moonlight, transitioning, and doing my utmost to develop more consistent writing habits.

Author's Ramblings

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