Hi! Eren here. It’s been a while since I’ve posted, so I thought I should do something about that. 😉
Life has been pretty good lately. My most recent vice has been superheroes web-serials: I’ve read a bunch of them in the last month. I’ll take some time at some point to write up reviews on them, I think.
I’ve also done a lot of programming, which has resulted in a much improved set of scripts that I use to manage the site. I’m trying to capitalize on my improved mood and start ramping up my writing… When I started on HRT my motivation seemed to bottom out. It’s been a couple of months now, though, and I think I’ve started adjusting.
Note: The rest of this is rather personal details about how HRT has been affecting me, so if you don’t want to know don’t keep reading, m’kay? I’m really just including this bit in case someone else who is trans, or who is curious about the trans experience as experienced by me, stumbles across this blog and is curious.
So, HRT. It’s been interesting. I was told that I might experience some shift in my mood – most likely that I would be more susceptible to emotional swings. I was also told about some of the physical effects and how long it would take for them to be noticeable.
Well, the mood shift didn’t really happen that I’ve noticed, other than two things: my general level of motivation just collapsed (though that could have been sub drop – check my last entry about that. My motivation didn’t bottom out until after I’d come out to my folks and my main source of remaining anxiety in life disappeared). The other thing is that my libido pretty much disappeared for about a month.
I’ve started adapting to both of those two things recently… in the past week I’ve started listening to motivational videos on YouTube (Mostly Earl Nightengale’s “Lead The Field”). It’s been interesting – I don’t really agree with everything he suggests (I think he doesn’t give enough credit to how hard it can be to pull yourself out of a bad emotional situation like depression, or how severely circumstances can impact someone despite their best intentions and efforts), and I know some of the stuff he anticipated simply hasn’t historically happened… but, hell, just listening to someone who’s so positive has the effect of getting me excited to work on my projects myself, haha.
For the libido issue… well, that’s been a little bit stranger. My personal experience before my testosterone was suppressed had been that I could get aroused anytime, for any reason or no reason, and be stuck that way for a rather uncomfortable amount of time, whether I wanted to be or not. It was actually a huge relief when that went away after starting HRT… there was very little in my life that was more distressingly male than how my body reacted to arousal prior to HRT.
Now that my testosterone is suppressed (got the blood work back to confirm it a couple weeks ago, woot!) it’s different. I have to be in the right state of mind to begin with. Rather than my body becoming aroused and then screwing with my head; preventing me from focusing on other things, now I have to be emotionally receptive to becoming aroused before my body can follow suit. It is amazingly nice.
Okay, last bit: physical changes. The first thing that was noticeable is that my skin got a lot softer. My wife had proclaimed her jealousy more than once. I like it, too – I used to have rather rough, dry skin, and it’s nice to have that clear up. It was more noticeable in my face at first, but now that it’s been a few months it’s noticeable all over. That’s a little more problematic – if I get any nicks or scratches (thank you, cat) they take a long time to heal up all the way. I have a few places that still have marks even though the scratch has been closed (and the scab gone) for over a week. It’s also really easy to get a scratch instead of an abrasion if I do something like brush against a door frame while walking.
Next up… my chest has been developing. (Is it weird that I’m more embarrassed talking about this than the rest of this post?) After the first few weeks I could tell something was going on – I could feel a bit of bounce in my upper torso when I was running up or down the apartment stairs, even though there wasn’t any visible change yet. It’s like… well, like the consistency of what was once my pecs had changed, heh. A few months in now, and I can tell that development has been taking place: there’s visible mounding, but only if I’m wearing something very tight (or not wearing a top at all. :p). I can easily cover it up when going out in public and the few times I’ve gone out dressed femininely I’ve still been using my padded bras and inserts… otherwise, right now, it just looks like I’ve got man-boobs.
Last bit, then, is body and facial hair. It seems to have started growing in slower, or perhaps it’s just finer. Coverage hasn’t really changed (sadly, I haven’t been able to afford laser hair removal yet, so I’m still stuck with razors and nair).
That’s all the big things that come to mind. I’ll try to make these updates a little more regular, especially if anything else changes.
In any event, that’s it for now. Take care!